Over the last few weeks old wounding has been brought to the fore as I deal with a challenging person in my life. My confidence in myself and my intelligence has been shaken and I was feeling pretty rubbish.
This weekend I was able to get back to my biker family and found myself surrounded by people who I feel respected, loved, and understood with.
Whilst at the bike rally I met up with an archetype that you often find in these places; the older white man who wants to preach whatever world view he holds and we are supposed to nod in approval and acceptance. He struck me as the type who would be up for some philosophical sparring and, as we were only talking about music I thought I would challenge him to a different opinion. All was going well, we were swapping challenges and I could see his partner behind smiling knowing he was getting a run for his money. I just saw it as a bit of fun…. unfortunately I must have hit a nerve and he suddenly changed to asking me about my social class.
I told him I didn’t really know bc it’s not really a metric I use for myself. Off he went trying to tell me that I was some middle class person who just wanted to preach to others and looks down on working class people like him. I believe he saw my South Midlands accent and opinon as a sign I was “posh”.
Oddly this simply didn’t bother me, he could say what he liked and I could choose to not let it bother me.
On reflection this shows how our wounds are very specific. Call me stupid and you’ll floor me, call me posh and I just don’t care. I know I drive an 03 fiesta and am just an accounts assistant, but I don’t feel I can argue with “stupid”.
I feel that knowing how our wounds are triggered help show us, not only that not everyone can hurt us, but where the work needs to be done. Insults can only hurt if we secretly fear that the insult is true. I might be posh, I might not, I don’t care, but I do care whether people think I am stupid, and that is what I need to work on.
I am sure the guy muttered into his beer for 5 minutes and then forgot about me. I feel he’s taught me a valuable lesson that will further me in my journey.