I have been doing a bit of shadow work recently; digging around in the aspects of myself that I am not that keen on and would rather hide and hide from. The recent aspect has been about how I view myself against what I believe a “good person” is; a perennial problem that reappears every now and then for me to chip away at.
As I have been working through this I found myself talking to someone who could be a mirror image of me in how they were dealing with a situation.
It’s quite fascinating that when there is something we just can’t get through our thick skull someone comes along and, as we talk to them, we find ourselves telling them what we need to hear ourselves. I’ve just been telling this person that when we are working on an aspect of ourselves we attract situations that either teach or test us so that we can either make progress or see how much progress we have made. I found myself telling them that “We cannot learn to swim without finding ourselves in water.”
Last week, in the depths of self hate I heard a murmur from The Guys Upstairs telling me I needed to go and talk to them. I had just been listening to a Kryon message saying that rather than going to Spirit asking for help we should go asking what we can do. With this in mind I popped into my therapy room, asked some stone spirits to join me and started my little meditation routine.
I always start with grounding breaths and sending a cord of light down into Mother Earth. Often it is a simple handshake to tether me before reaching up but sometimes Gaia is there to give me a hug before I head off up to Spirit.
This time she wouldn’t let me go; I wasn’t leaving because she had something to say.
I listened for a while to how I am not the terrible person I believe myself to be but it was clear it wasn’t working. To make the point clearer she held out her hand and she showed me the spark of Spirit that I hold within myself. I was speechless; stunned at it’s beauty.
Holding it out to me she placed it in my heart reminding me that every person on the planet has this inside themselves and I began to sob. I could no longer hide from the fact that I may not be a bad person after all. How could I be when I hold such beauty deep inside me?
And this is the point: we are taught from an early age that to be “a good person” we have to appear a certain way. We have to fulfil certain criteria and anything outside those parameters must be hidden.
- I must have a certain figure
- I must not hurt people’s feelings at any cost
- I must not stand out or have beliefs that differ from other people
- I must have “cookie cutter” sexual preferences
- I must dress a certain way
As soon as we realised that we break one of these, or any other “rules” we tell ourselves we are wrong and the lies begin. They become part of our lives “I am ugly”, “I upset people no matter how hard I try not to”, “people would judge me if only they knew a, b or c”
After I met with Gaia I realised it was important for me to ascertain what a “bad person” actually is. This is what I came up with:
- A bad person harms people and animals for pleasure
That’s it…. that’s all I can come up with. And you know what? I am not that person! Are you? Probably not.
So, when we find we are telling ourselves those lies hold it up against my “bad person” criteria.
- If there were no stereotypes on beauty would you be happy with your figure? If the answer is yes then be happy.
- Did you try not to hurt that person’s feelings? Yes, but they got hurt anyway? Well then maybe that is their problem not yours.
- Do your beliefs harm people? No, then it is their narrow mindedness that is the problem
- Do your sexual preferences harm other people? No, then go have fun!
- Do you harm people by the way you dress? No, then wear it with pride!
We need to keep countering the lies; noticing them when we repeat them to ourselves and running them through the criteria. Am I harming anyone on purpose? No, then that is fine!
I’m not there yet. I am, as always, work in progress, but the key word is progress!
Of course, as a side note. we can apply these criteria to other people too before we jump to judge those that have wronged us. Something else to ponder methinks.